Avoid the flu at all costs


Natalie Larimer, Online Sub-Editor

The flu has struck again this year and I have compiled a list of how to avoid being sick.

  • Take a bath in a tub full of hand sanitizer.
  • Live in a HAZMAT suit.
  • Become Bubble Boy.
  • Never have contact with the outside world.
  • Hand out Clorox Disinfecting Wipes to your classmates as you walk down the hallway.
  • Make people sanitize their phones before and after calling you.
  • Carry Lysol around with you and spray every surface you have the potential of coming into contact with.
  • Keep special doorknob gloves with you to put on before touching any doorknobs. Wash them regularly.
  • Do not allow people to breathe on you and if they disobey, spray their face with the before-mentioned Lysol.
  • If you catch yourself sneezing, check yourself into the hospital immediately.

Good luck and stay healthy. Hope to see you all next week, assuming the flu hasn’t taken you.