Could you perhaps speed up?


Natalie Larimer, Staff Writer

When walking in the hallway, if you walk unreasonably slow, I will hate you. This entails death glares, loud sighs, and eye rolls. Also, if you stop for no reason, I will most likely either purposefully run into you or sarcastically stop and glare at you until you realize that I am angry.

Now, I understand that sometimes you’re tired and you want to slowly saunter off to class, but I don’t. I actually like to be on time for classes so I don’t end up in detention. So if you’re going to be slow, go to the sides of the hallway. Not the center. I take that as your death wish.

If you think you’re funny by stopping and making all your friends run into you, you’re not. I hate people like that. Especially on the stairs. Do I look like I want to fall down the stairs because some jerks were messing around? No. I don’t.

Now for a slightly unrelated but very annoying scenario. Imagine, walking down the hallway to your next class, hoping to get there early to talk to the teacher about your quiz grade they entered wrong. Then, suddenly, a group of overly preppy girls see each other and scream. They laugh obnoxiously and stop I’m the middle of the crowded hallway and disrupt everybody on their way to class. If this is you, don’t. It reminds me of that “Friends” episode where Rachel is catching up with her old friends and they are excitedly screaming about every little thing and Phoebe turn to Monica and mocks them by saying, “Look, Look! I have elbows!” And the two of them sarcastically scream like Rachel and her old friends. I am like Phoebe. I will sarcastically scream (however quietly) and roll my eyes to show just how dumb you are being.

I realize that this may sound like a rant. It is. I honestly don’t care about you and your besties. Scream all you want. But don’t stop in the middle of the hallway to talk to each other. You can talk to them later. If you are truly best friends, you have their phone number. Use it. Don’t make me have to stand there and listen to you freaking out over the fact that you got a new puppy or whatever. I honestly don’t want to know. Neither does the entire hallway.

Now if you were telling them things like your car broke down and you can’t give them a ride home, that’s cool. I can get over that. It’s just that the conversations are never halt-worthy. They’re always dumb things like, “I got a new Tomagotchi this weekend,” (by the way, what’s with the Tomagotchi comeback?) or “I got new socks!” and things like that which nobody cares about but you.

I admit that I will do the occasional high five or smack on the arm with my friends as we pass in the hallway. The difference is that I don’t stop in my tracks to tell them I got a new phone case. If I have to talk to them, I pull them off to the side of the hallway or I text them later. The hallway is not a place for social gatherings. It is simply a place to get from class to class.

*Sidenote: I saw a Hacky-Sack game going on this morning in between first and second hour right in the middle of a three-hallway intersection. Please don’t.