In the first entry of Like, Love, and Lack Thereof, I am going to be talking about the ‘like’ part of dating. The harmless start of dating such as: funny first dates, icks, turn ons, and of course the “rizz” factor. In high school we see many unexpected relationships and experience the beginnings of our love lives. Some have good outcomes and some are well…learning experiences. I have interviewed five people who will stay anonymous and asked them some questions about their dating experiences so far.
Icks…
First impressions are everything, and the girls certainly had some things to say about weird things men have done that have really irked them. Or should I say gave them the ick? The ick, for those who do not know, is something someone does that makes you feel uncomfortable or gross. It is commonly expressed by girls who are turned off when a man does something too masculine or too feminine. Many think icks are silly, but they can also be the reason for ending a new relationship, so watch out. One perfect example comes from one of my interviewees who went on a double date. The two of them were walking downtown and he saw her pepper spray,
“He looked at me dead serious and goes, ‘Don’t worry I’ll protect you.’ I wanted to end it all.”
A strong and protective man is a turn on, but that was way too much, which made it an ick. One suggestion for being protective in a less icky way would be to walk on the half of the sidewalk closest to the street. This is also known as the sidewalk rule. It’s great because you are making your date feel safe, but it isn’t too much. Another example of an ick:
Athleticism and being smooth was mentioned by some other girls as well as some unexpected things such as guys’ grammar and even their relationships with their mom.
The pattern with these is pretty clear, boys, don’t ever do anything to embarrass yourself unless you want to lose that girl. Or perhaps you should rethink if you want to date someone who will judge you for tripping on your shoelace.
Fortunately, some of the icks are a tad more thoughtful and were closer to being personal standards. Interviewee said she didn’t like when someone was “obnoxiously clingy”, or “when someone doesn’t have any passions or isn’t involved.” But some girls just got to the point saying confidently that their ick is “Just men.” The boys, however, weren’t very into this part of the interview. I guess you could say the girls are pretty safe from their fear of giving someone the ick.
“I really dislike when girls talk about other guys and when girls grab hats off my head.” He also said he doesn’t like, “when girls just talk about how ugly they are.”
So girls, just do not be insecure and do not take their hats.
Worst Experiences?
Many of us have never done this whole romantic thing before and do not know the boundaries we need to follow. And no, your 6th grade love interest does not count. One thing I found interesting is how many times my interviewees were bombarded with big moves and even family at the very beginning of their “talking” phases.
I was very surprised when two out of my five interviewees said this happened to them. Maybe it is something I should advise you to watch out for.
Another explained, “I was supposed to go over to his house and I went there and his driveway was full of cars. He was like, ‘don’t park in the driveway’ and I was like, ‘what?’ And he was like ‘so my entire family is here’. So we went to the mall.”
For sure something I should advise you to watch out for. At least they did not have to actually meet the parents, unlike the other interviewee who had to shake every relative’s hand.
Moral of the story, maybe wait until the second date to bring in the grandparents. Or the twentieth.
Another problem some people have is with Snapchat. Talking to someone who you have never met in person can make for some interesting responses.
“I was told by a guy I had just added on Snapchat days earlier… ‘You could meet my little sister. Also, I want you to know that I would be loyal and I’m trustworthy.’ I was not prepared at all for that random text.”
I’m not sure anyone could be prepared for that after just adding someone back. The intentions are there for sure, but it is important when getting to know someone to keep in mind some unspoken boundaries about the time it is appropriate to bring family and long term talk into the equation.
The student’s romantic interactions so far do have me a little worried, but I can’t even imagine what these upcoming roasts must have felt like.
Wow. Those were malicious. Half were not even roasts, they were just straight up mean. Know your worth, kids. Except for the guy who got shown up while hooping with his date. For him, maybe get in the gym, big man. Anyway, let us move on from these brutal diss stories and discuss what students do like in a significant other.
Turn Ons…
Initial attraction is everything and many factors fall into if someone is interested in someone else. Looks, personality, or your social life can change someone’s view on you dramatically.
One of the boys I interviewed said that he loves when he is, “Trying to talk to a girl and it’s the situation when you feel like you’re not getting anywhere and then when another guy tries to talk to her she says ‘that’s my man’. That can blow me away a little.”
Hear that girls? Be bold and claim your man. Unfortunately for the boys though, claiming a girl as yours will not always work; especially if your height does not match up with the confidence level.
After talking to a boy on Snapchat, one interviewee said, “We get to the mall and I realize he is in fact shorter than me. That’s not that big of a deal but I’m not that tall of a person so he was really short.”
I guess personality can only get you so far. Except this interviewee is 5’4’’ so I feel like what they said is valid.
I notice that I have been giving the girls a hard time in this section so I think it is time to reassure the boys that it really is not that hard to pull a nice girl. Some green flags from the girls are: “Being good with kids, athletic, academically driven, and knowing how to cook.”
It was also heavily agreed upon that, “If they are hanging out with a good group of people and they themselves are a good person then that’s all I need.”
Other green flags included being good with the siblings and the moms. However, don’t be liking your mom too much because that is also an ick. These girls seem like they just want a good guy. So let us ask the guys for their advice on how to pull the type of girl who will not ghost you after seeing you try to open a locked door.
After asking him if had anything else to say, this interviewee wanted to close with a helpful piece of advice.
“I have a line for the boys. Pick the girls that are better as friends and make them your friend over trying to be something with them.”
That is it, my faith in men is restored. Not actually, but that is very nice to hear. Although at times it is difficult to realize who we really are and who we have feelings for, do not forget about those people who have been there for you and care about you. It is easy to go for the perfect guy who is smooth and flirty or the hottest girl who is bold and laughs at all your unfunny jokes, but maybe the person for you is that friend who never crossed your mind. Do watch out for that one guy friend who tries to get with you when you just want to be friends though. Every girl has one. Noneless, dating in high school often involves learning about yourself, so make sure you are choosing someone who cares about you as a person and will not obliterate your self confidence by telling you that you are balding or have a minecraft head. Maybe then you will be able to move on from the “Like” stage and move on to the “Love” stage.