So the VMAs happened last week or something, and it was evidently a big deal. Lots of people watched it and appreciated our generation’s culturally sound music…videos?

The VMAs give me lots of mixed messages.

I was pretty sure Lady Gaga was having a seizure at the beginning of her song, but it turned out okay. She changed clothes a lot.

I’m still not sure what’s up with the whole “look I’m a stripper” concept, especially when taken into context with the “my tongue isn’t properly functioning and I can’t keep my mouth closed” thing going on. It almost reminds me of performance art in a way, but performance art is a joke; kind of like journalism. Maybe if she had talent she’d be good at something. That’s kind of redundant. “Blurred Lines” is really catchy.

Since the point of the VMAs evidently isn’t the performances but the music video awards, I’m going to talk about those next. Why aren’t they called the MVAs? When was the last time you watched a video music video?

If Miley Cyrus wasn’t already a good enough indication that we can stop taking things seriously about now, Taylor Swift won an award for something. I’d make a Kanye reference, but those stopped being funny a while ago. I’mma let you finish, though.

Macklemore and Ryan Lewis won the award for best hip hop video for “Can’t Hold Us” and the award for best social message in a music video for “Same Love.” “Can’t Hold Us” has an incredibly incoherent video that starts with a weird homeless guy in  Canada that transitions rather logically to a boat that thinks it’s a pirate ship, while “Same Love” is basically a life story about a gay guy (sorry if this is politically incorrect). “Gay rights are human rights, there is no separation,” Macklemore said (quite aptly) at the VMAs. Macklemore for the win. I still didn’t understand the videos and they’re all really long, with different settings that don’t quite connect. The songs are still nice.

Meanwhile, Justin Timberlake is a pretty cool guy. Everyone probably knows by now that his music video won something and it totally sucks because it’s about The half-dressed woman in the room full of mirrors made me really uncomfortable and made me cringe a bit. Justin Timberlake looks OLD.

Bruno Mars also won things for a song that I didn’t listen to or watch because I wasn’t too interested by it.

Oh, and One Direction also won something. Good for them; I don’t care.

I know this is like a week after the VMA’s. Good journalism takes time, though!

…So I really don’t have an excuse.