Testing the Teddy Tank™


Natalie Larimer

Alpha, the Betta fish, in his sweet new crib. The tank is set up in the J-lab and Alpha has quickly earned the admiration of several students. If you want to come visit Alpha, stop by the J-lab (room 413) and say hi.

Natalie Larimer, Online Sub-Editor

A new kind of fish tank has been introduced to the world: the Teddy Tank™. This designer tank combines two of my favorite things by placing a fish tank inside of a teddy bear. With sayings like “‘Tanks’ for your friendship!” written on the box, the Teddy Tank™ is just a bear full of happiness.

However, there is a petition on change.org to remove Teddy Tank™s from the shelves saying that “serious design flaws” that will “undoubtedly result in animal cruelty and the death of many fish.” But under further inspection, I realized that they were basing their argument off the fact that there is not adequate oxygen flow to the tank, which is untrue. There is a hole in the back of the Teddy Tank™s head (morbid, I know) that allows for airflow.

Due to the controversy,  I felt as if the Teddy Tank™ needs to be tested.

So I bought one.

During my free periods on Oct. 21, I went on an adventure. First, I needed to acquire the Teddy Tank™. So, one trip to Walmart and $10 later, I owned the monkey model of Teddy Tank™s (they were out of the unicorns). Then I had to get a fish. Getting a Betta fish was my best bet, so I got Alpha, the Betta fish, at PetSmart. I also picked up all his supplies to not kill Alpha. I brought everything back to school and set him up in the Journalism lab (better known as the J-lab).

Alpha’s journey from PetSmart to JHS was a little rough, as I am a terrible driver. However, once he got here, he seemed very happy to have a decently large tank. At PetSmart, he had a pint-sized cup that he lived in on a shelf. Here, he has an entire gallon. I set him up with some tank decorations, such as rocks and a log, to make him more comfortable.

After I got Alpha all settled, I started my fish-owner duties, such as feeding him. In order to do so, I have to open the mouth of the Teddy Tank™, which opens to the tank and allows me to release the food to Alpha. It’s insanely creepy, but almost it makes sense in a really weird way. As if somehow, this monkey/teddy bear is pregnant with a Betta fish.

On Oct. 23, it was brought to my attention that Alpha’s tank was getting kind of cloudy, so I decided to clean it up for him. I took advantage of my free periods (again) and went to Walgreens for distilled water and then to my house to get a small net to get Alpha out of his tank. Back in the J-lab, I put some distilled water in a cup with some anti-stress solution and scooped Alpha into the cup. He is a little drama queen and would not look at me for a while. The monkey/teddy bear part of the Teddy Tank™ was relatively easy to slip on and off, and the fact that it was out of the way made cleaning his tank much easier. I cleaned out his tank, filled it back up with the water and a conditioner tablet, and placed Alpha back in the tank.

Overall, I feel as if the Teddy Tank™ is relatively safe for Betta fish, and easy enough to manage. If I can keep something alive for more than 24 hours, it’s a feat. Alpha has survived for five whole days so far, so it’s safe to say that the Teddy Tank™ is not a fish trap that was created to kill fish.

Four out of five stars. (I docked a star because I have to clean the tank so often.)